The Return

I’ve always had vivid dreams. I’ve kept a dream log since 2013, and it has over 75 pages of pretty weird, vivid dreams, some deeply detailed and some lasting no more than two or three sentences. This morning, I dreamt about a character in my life who I haven’t seen since late November.

We met in February last year, and since then we’ve had some kind of emotional bond that’s been difficult to understand, much less break. I dreamt of him on and off between February 2015 and November 2015, which was also the last time I saw him in person.

To say we have some kind of soul entanglement is an understatement, but I’ve largely cut him out because … well, it’s just better for everyone involved – me, my boyfriend, and him. And it hasn’t been too hard, actually. Our last encounter made me realize there are parts of him that I wasn’t seeing very clearly, and I was fooling myself about the true nature of this person.

So it was a bit surprising when he showed up in my dreams again. This time, it wasn’t just him and I in some carnival, or a stadium, or any of the myriad places I’d met him previously. This time Ryan, my boyfriend, and I were going to meet him to talk, and because the two of them wanted to meet in person for the first time. Ryan and I walked into the bar and our mood was light, not nervous as one would expect with that kind of meeting. And there he was, drunk and waiting for us.

But he was distracted the whole time, wandering around, looking for women. At some point, he came up to us and said “Don’t worry, the 24-year-old girls will be here soon,” and then wandered off. He eventually left with a drunken group of strangers, leaving Ryan and I sitting there looking at each other with surprised amusement.

I woke up wondering how he was doing and why he was making an appearance yet again. And why is it that there are those people in our lives that are easy to move on from and those that aren’t. Soul entanglements and contracts… it seems obvious to me that he and I have one, and yet I no longer have the desire or any foolish ideas that our entanglement is a romantic one. So how does one resolve these things? And can it be done from afar?