Questioning

 

 

You know, I’ve struggled with this blog. I don’t know what it’s for. I don’t know if it’s just for me, or if it’s for someone else to read. It doesn’t seem enough to write and create this just for me for some reason. If I wanted to do that, I would just keep it in my journal and worry no more about it. So I take that as some indication that there’s something I’m trying to put out, to say, but I’m unclear on what that is. Or even why. I do know this: in some way, it’s related to my own search for meaning in my life.

I was in the float tank the other day, floating blissfully in the warm salty water, lights off, no sound but my own breathing. A friend of mine floated into mind (pun!). I thought about our recent interactions and noticed an accompanying feeling: jealousy. Jealousy? I thought. Where is that coming from? And the answer came immediately: she has a successful business and she’s building a new one which is rich mysticism and built on relationships. She does it all in a seemingly effortless way, setting her intention and watching it manifest in a short time. It all boiled down to the fact that her life has meaning.

And then the next question: does it intrinsically have meaning, or did she create her own? Did she create the meaning she wanted for herself, or was the path laid out before her and she had nothing to do but walk it?